First off, didn’t someone say “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times?” Was he referring to family vacations? I will not elaborate, but I just want to state unequivocally that I love my family.
Second, why do events always conspire to keep you from ever leaving town for vacation on time?
I love Ike as much as any other person, but his interstate highway system is a blight upon the landscape, a magnet for the clutter of fast food restaurants, outlet malls, and NASCAR wannabees. (And if you don’t know who Ike is, do not pass go, return to American History.)
Best barbecue restaurant name: “Butts by the River.” (Ours passed without stopping, though a lot were at rest there.)
Daughter: “Can you do something about this road?” Son: “What has DOT been doing with our tax dollars?” Me: “Whose tax dollars?”
We parents have something in common with our children: Our music is always too loud for them; their music is always too loud for us.
We have met the Wolfman (not Jack) and his wolf Mohican here. I will never again confuse wolves (who are intelligent, do not bite humans, and rescue human children) with coyotes, who are worthless, conniving good-for nothing scoundrels who will flat eat you up. That’s pretty much what the man said. Pulled an elderly man off a riding lawn mower in his own backyard, is what he said. Carry off pets and small children, he said. He burst my bubble when he said that goldilocks and the three little pigs were just fairy tales. So I’m not believing anything he says.
My wife and daughter are signing up for an advanced horseback ride, which means “you can control your horse in all situations.” My son and I will sign up for a beginning horseback ride, which means “your horse can control you in all situations.” I am very concerned about where the horse puts his feet (hooves) and find it difficult to enjoy myself and think about anything else when I am doing this. Maybe I’ll hike, meet up with a coyote or something. (Excuse me, but my son has edited me, and he informs me that he is an advanced rider. Move to the head of the class! He’ll ride any horse that’s lit well and is aerodynamically well-designed. Yes, he got an education.)
Did you know “coyote” is a two-syllable word? Did I mention that they eat people and apparently roam all over North Carolina?
We have no cell phone or internet service. There has been much complaining about this, but in my opinion, we’re missing a whole lotta nothing that feels like a whole lotta something to us. It’ll pass. The lady at the lodge said we had an “ann-tinny” up here, but it appears it’s broke. That’s really OK.
Heat’s broke too. We have some portable heaters and it feels like Las Vegas in here. Did you know sweat freezes?
I haven’t had any dessert for eight weeks. Until tonight. I had a piece of all four homemade cakes that were served.
Do you eat hominy? The only attractive thing about it was that it looked like marsh mellows, but it don’t taste like ‘em. I wonder where that word “marsh mellow” comes from?
I’m afraid my son may be a Libertarian and an Arminian. Where have I failed him? (Actually, he may simply be in the “not-Dad-whatever-Dad-is” phase of life, or perhaps he simply toys with me.)
“I lift up my eyes to the hills/ from where does my help come?/ My help comes from the Lord/ who made heaven and earth.” (Ps. 121.1) I’m thankful that I can be here in the beautiful snow with a family that God shaped around my soul to remind me of my need for Him.
Steve West, reporting from Cataloochee Ranch, in Maggie Valley, saying “Good night.”
